Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
