I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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