it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
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Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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