i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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