Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
