I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
