Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
