why didn't you poke me back
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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