sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
