Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She's the barista slut.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The uberlube is also flammable
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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