Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
