There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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