I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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