My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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