Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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