for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
