I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's always time for handjobs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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