So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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