New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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