he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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