Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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