If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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