someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
