It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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