Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
