I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A bitchslap is in order.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
