Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
