nut hugger
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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