Buhtt sex?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
