I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
