the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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