Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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