I need help removing her.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
