i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
