My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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