The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
