Welp...herpes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
