if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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