he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
