there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
