That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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