a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
