Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
