i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
