I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
