im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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