He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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