we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
