Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize