I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
