i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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