like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
