so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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