have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
