Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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