As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
