Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
