I'm really into asian looking animals
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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