He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
