the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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