he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
