my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Alive.
So much puke
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
