I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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