so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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