i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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