I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
