She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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