This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
