woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
