look no pants
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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