For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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